This awesome Georgian Colonial is sited on a huge half-acre lot, and surrounded by a near-impenetrable screen of trees; this is the perfect house for you if you value privacy, i.e. you want to grow a sizeable crop of marijuana. Nowadays, when I’m at an open house and people start talking about a place’s “large lot” and “privacy,” that’s the first thing I think: so you’re a drug lord! How times have changed. That’s actually something of a problem with legal weed in the District; where to legally grow it? Land is plentiful and cheap in, say, Maryland, but if you get caught growing it there, you could do hard time. And the only houses in DC that have lots big enough to grow a lot of weed are really expensive. Wouldn’t that be great if all the houses with huge yards in Palisades and Spring Valley that are now owned by rich old families got bought up by cash-rich weed dealers to use as marijuana ranches? I’m not even sure that the present administration wouldn’t love this idea. Palisades becoming a hip neighborhood has got to be the final stage of “new DC.”
But yeah, even if you’re not a pot farmer, this would be a great house for you. The original, nearly century-old, house has been very carefully expanded, which I never would’ve noticed if someone hadn’t told me. (In this way, a good house expansion is like good cosmetic surgery.) The ground floor has an open floor plan (no, the open floor plan is not a 21st century invention), and a whole lot of french doors opening onto the terrace; if I’m not mistaken, every room on the ground floor but one has at least one or two sets of them. The living room sports a white antique fireplace, and opens onto the fantastic wood-paneled library. (I used to be surprised that people owned enough books to fill their libraries, but then I met a guy whose job is literally to assemble custom collections of books to fill people’s home libraries. He told me most of buyers don’t care what the books are, they just want them all to be the same color.) The formal dining room is really quite large, and sports some super intricate floral print wallpaper that right now is, no, probably not at the very leading edge of interior decor trends, but if you resist the urge to redecorate for just a few years, I would bet a large amount of money that it will soon be cool again.
The kitchen is long, as opposed to square (all kitchens are either long or square, you know I’m right), with marble counters and high-end stainless steel appliances. It also has those glass-front cupboards so you don’t even have to open the cupboard doors to see what’s inside; with just a passing glance you’ll be able to see that all you have to eat in the entire house is tea and Minute Rice, and that your attempt at adulthood has been a dismal failure. Upstairs, the master bedrooms sports an ultra-high peaked roof with wooden support beams, for that Swiss chalet effect. The master bath has side-by-side twin basins (has any couple in the history of couplehood ever used their twin basins at the same time? I highly doubt it), a large soaking tub, and a standalone glass-walled shower in the center of the room that’s the result of either some ingenious plumbing, or magic. There’s not really that much difference between the two, considering some of the things I’ve successfully flushed down my toilet.
Downstairs is a wine cellar for all the subpar bottles of wine that you don’t drink immediately, and out back is a fantastic wooden deck that runs the length of the house that overlooks a meticulously landscaped private yard. And again, there are enough trees surrounding the property that your neighbors won’t be able to see anything that goes on over here. Even if you opt against growing marijuana, you should stroll around the yard naked, just because you can.
4916 Indian Lane NW
6 Bedrooms, 7 Baths
Photos courtesy MRIS; listing courtesy Washington Fine Properties, 202.944.5000