True story: after I checked out this open house, a homeless guy in Logan Circle told me that you could have bought a house on Logan Circle not too long ago for $10,000. I gave him some quarters but just smiled and nodded like you do when that one friend starts to tell you how this election is unfolding exactly how the Illuminati or the reptilians or whoever have scripted it to. But I later googled it and, amazingly, he was right. Even in 1977 dollars, ten grand is a pittance. Then I spent the next hour looking at real estate listings in various blighted cities around the country (Detroit, et cetera) so I could get in on the next gold rush. Eventually I got bored, though, accepted that history is just a series of deals that you were too dumb or lazy to get in on, and played Xbox for the rest of the night. Why provide for my retirement when I can make 12 year olds cry over the internet by lobbing virtual grenades into their virtual military bases?
But yeah, this Logan penthouse (which, yes, you could probably have bought for like $750 not that long ago) is a world-class loft space that stands out in a city of rowhomes; it takes up the entire top floor of the building and has over 3500 square feet of living space. You enter into a large foyer that’s perfect for exhibiting your art collection or, more likely, a knee-high pile of J. Crew catalogs and unopened debt collection letters. (I have the money to pay you, but I refuse, just because your business model is so annoying.) The living room is huge and bright and features track lighting, which I’ve come to prefer over the now-standard recessed lighting, which seems kind of timid and sad, like when someone gets rimless eyeglasses because they’re embarrassed to wear glasses and they think rimless ones might be kind of invisible. Next is a media room, divided from the main living area by really cool translucent doors; when they’re closed, you can tell someone’s in there, but you can’t tell if it’s your significant other or a homicidal trainjumpin’ hobo who randomly decided to break into your apartment and watch your TV while eating your snacks with his metal hook-hand.
There’s a large dining room area, which is basically a big space where you could put a table and chairs. That’s what “dining room area” means. The kitchen is very cutting-edge and was clearly the product of a designer thinking, “hmm, if people like stainless steel appliances, they’ll LOVE an entire stainless steel kitchen!” But they were right, I do love it. Besides the stainless steel appliances, there’s a stainless steel island, stainless steel counters, and random stainless steel paneling. It looks kind of like the room where they did the alien autopsy in the smash straight-to-VHS “documentary” from the Nineties, “Alien Autopsy.” (Come on, you know you watched it.) You’ll definitely want to get a 500-count pack of glass wipes from Costco for this kitchen.
The master bedroom is large even by the standards of very high end master bedrooms; if just the master bedroom was an entire, separate apartment, it would still be way way too expensive for either of us to rent. There’s a separate sitting area and a stunning walk-in closet where you should definitely take lots of social media selfies if you want to be pursued by people who only want you for your money. In the master bath, there are stylish twin basins and a soaking tub set up on a raised platform, so after a hot bath you can descend regally with steam rising from your head and shoulders. (And then slip on the marble and bonk your head so hard that you lose five years of memories.) There’s also a beautiful, oversized shower, with those horizontal water jets so you can pretend to be a dumptruck going through a car wash. And finally, on the roof is a truly exceptional 2000 square foot landscaped patio, complete with an ornamental pool that I guarantee your drunk friend will try to urinate into the very second you leave him alone.
1124 10th Street NW Penthouse
2 Bedrooms, 2.5 Baths