The monolithic, neutral facade of this place hints at Brutalism without actually being Brutal; I guess you could call it Callow, or maybe Vaguely Inconsiderate? Inside, there’s an open floor plan, so you’ll never have to be physically separated or cut off from your significant other or other family members. (Welcome to hell.) There are light blonde hardwood floors, and everything is white; you better hope Costco sells cleaning wipes by the pallet. Still, it’s probably worth the trouble, because couple with the floor-to-ceiling windows and high ceilings, the space seems impossibly large and very bright. In the living room there’s an awesome tiled gas fireplace, and the kitchen continues the color scheme with light gray and white marble counters, white cabinetry, and a truly impressive number of stainless steel appliances. “Ugh, these steel appliances are so stained!” is not a phrase you ever have to worry about hearing in this house.
There’s a beautiful open staircase leading upstairs; if you have a male child I guarantee that at least once you’ll end up buttering his head to get it unstuck from between these railing pins as you mutter, “why did you even think this was a good idea?” There’s also a large skylight above the upstairs landing, so you get plenty of natural light in the daytime and at night you get to wonder if a burglar is up there watching your every movement. The master bedroom is super huge, with oversized floor-to-ceiling windows and a master bath that features a glass-walled marble shower AND a full-sized soaking tub for when you have an hour to sit back and relax, i.e. probably never. (Just being honest.) There’s also a truly stunning walk-in closet that’s larger than many Manhattan apartments. The basement is like the most stylish “rec room” you’ve ever seen, with more white marble, recessed lighting, a wet bar, and a full-sized wine cellar where you can store all your 1.5 gallon jugs of Ernest & Julio Gallo “Original Zin.” (Just typing that gave me a headache.)
Out back, the yard is an exquisitely landscaped, sloping series of terraces, with a brick patio at the bottom (and glass doors opening onto the kitchen/dining area) and, at the very top of a set of stone stairs, a pergola surrounded by a lawn, privacy fencing, and, beyond that, a healthy screen of mature trees. I’m completely serious when I say that you could probably pay your entire mortgage just renting the backyard out for weddings a couple Saturdays a month. (I’m also completely serious when I say that your neighbors would probably firebomb your place if you did this.)
2927 Arizona Avenue NW
5 Bedrooms, 4.5 Baths
All photos courtesy of MRIS; listing courtesy of Relux LLC, 703-893-0628