Sundays With Strangers

DC9744024_1The words “Shaw” and “penthouse” still sound a little weird to me together, like “peanut butter and anchovies” or something, but nonetheless, here it is:  a Shaw penthouse.  A penthouse in Shaw.  And as you might imagine, it’s very nice.  (It’s a penthouse, after all.  There’s no such thing as a “starter penthouse” or a “penthouse fixer-upper.”)  This unit, and the rest of the building, was produced by DC’s Maedwell Companies which, besides constructing very beautiful homes, also has a knack for creative lawsuit-proof spelling.

The front of the building is basically all window, zero wall.  It’s the building equivalent of a box of special edition “Lucky Charms” that’s 100% marshmallows.  Which is to say, it’s pretty great.  You’ll have to wear sunscreen in your living room, but that’s a small price to pay.  The floor plan here is totally open, it’s as open as Kim and Kanye’s marriage.  There are high ceilings and white walls, for that pristine, minimalist look that’s all the rage right now with people who nonetheless still wear leopard print shoes in public.  The chef’s kitchen has everything you could possibly want in a kitchen, with a stainless steel industrial-grade range and sleek cabinetry that’s so blindingly white that you’ll get an anxiety attack every time your partner opens one of those spurt-y plastic takeout packets of soy sauce.  Head into the first-level master bath to see just how deep this place’s commitment to the “all windows” thing really is: there’s a full-length window in the shower!  If you’re an exhibitionist, this is the place for you.  You could set up seats in the backyard and charge admission.

Head up the staircase lined with slabs of clear glass, and you’ll find two master suites, both with, yes, more floor-to-ceiling windows.  I recently stayed in a vacation rental with oversized windows like this in the bedroom, and I can tell you with authority that you won’t even need an alarm clock in a place like this, because half an hour after sunup the daylight is going to be slapping you in the face as hard as a when my mom found several Zima bottlecaps in my schoolbag.  (I had to skip school the next day because her handprint was emblazoned on the side of my face.)  On the other hand, if I may digress-slash-complain for a moment, I’ve always thought there’s something almost sadistic about windows this grandiose that don’t even open.  You can see, from the comfort of your bed, that it’s a beautiful day, you can see the birds fluttering by, you can even possibly see the grass gently swaying in the breeze, but you’re stuck in this hermetically sealed chamber like an Ebola carrier who just landed at BWI.  I feel like I would definitely get drunk one night and, like, “make” a ventilation hole in one of the windows with a claw hammer.   Or, I guess, you could just go out on the balcony.  (Tee hee.)

Or the decks upstairs – yes, decks, plural.  The very tip-top level is a wet bar and lounge, book-ended by twin roof decks that, taken altogether, offer a 360 degree view.  Of Shaw.  Having two decks could come in really handy.  We all have that one friend couple who’s already broken up or divorced but can’t afford to move out of the house they share, so they just live this horrible frigid twilight coexistence of communicating through passive-aggressive whiteboard messages about not eating the yogurts which are clearly marked with the other person’s initials and this disrespect is exactly why the relationship failed blah blah blah.  If that happened to you and your partner and you lived here, at least you could each have your own deck to stand out on and curse the day you met the other person, who’ll at that very moment be doing the very same thing just a few dozen feet away.  It’s almost poetic, if you think about it.

1740 6th Street NW Penthouse
3 Bedrooms, 3.5 Baths
$1,199,000

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All photos courtesy MRIS, listing courtesy of TTR Sotheby’s, 202-234-3344

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