This U Street penthouse is one of only two in this recently renovated building, so the other penthouse person will either be your best lifelong friend, or it’ll be a “this town ain’t big enough for both of us” situation and you’ll end up sneakily loosening each other’s gas hookups at night in the hopes that the other person’s penthouse will be engulfed in a fiery inferno while they’re sleeping. This place is right across from Meridian Hill Park, a literal stone’s throw no matter how weak your arm is. You could literally stand in front of this building and throw stones into Meridian Hill Park for hours, which is something I can imagine doing if, like, my wireless went out. Meridian Hill (or Malcolm X, as old-timers call it) is sneakily the city’s best park; sure, Rock Creek Park is bigger, but it’s not really a park. It’s just a bunch of undeveloped land. Meridian Hill is a landscaped, designed greenspace, and you’ll be right across the street. Whether you have a dog to walk, or you’re into summer picnics, or you just like to occasionally look up from your book to see two eyes staring directly at you with demonic intensity through a gap in a nearby hedge, this is clearly the best park in the city.
This luxurious unit is loft-ish, which means you can play a regulation roller hockey game in here if you need to, but if you and your significant other get into a big argument and you get tired of looking at their stupid face, you’re going to have to go to the storage unit, get a room divider, and unfold it diagonally across the room, which just isn’t as dramatic as slamming a door. Along the park-facing wall are huge, square windows, so the space gets great light, and the open space means you can get creative with your furniture configurations, though we both know you’ll just end up pushing it all up against the walls. The kitchen is huge, with nice clean lines, stainless steel appliances, and minimalist cabinets. There’s a definitely laboratory vibe there, which I guess is appropriate considering that one time you put peas in the guacamole like a mad scientist. One of the bedrooms has a glass wall, which is pretty cool, if only because I’ve never seen anything like it before. If you have a teenager, you should definitely give them this room, so you can constantly be strolling by and monitoring their every move. (As a bonus, it will prepare them for working in an office.)
The other bedroom is even roomier, though there’s no glass wall for you to potentially run through while nightmare sleepwalking. The master bath has twin side-by-side basins, which seems super useful, though when you think about it, do couples EVER use the bathroom at the same time? Who really wants to brush their teeth or floss or shave with their significant other standing two feet to their left? I think twin basins are one of those couples things that always seem like a great, cute idea, but that you never use as intended; they’re the tandem bike of bathroom fixtures. Elsewhere in the master bath is a marble shower; no tub. I support having a bathtub – it’s like a dining room, you use them like three times a year and the rest of the time they’re just taking up space.
And finally, there’s a really awesome private terrace. There’s nothing worse than living in a building with a great rooftop terrace, and going up there on the weekend to read a magazine or something, only to find that your annoying neighbors are having a pool party, or laying out on a lounger loudly talking on the phone about the patches of dry scaly skin on their upper back. This terrace is yours and only yours, so now you can be the one loudly discussing your disgusting skin condition over the phone, and no one will judge you for it, except for the person on the other end of the phone, who sneakily put you on speaker and is silently pantomiming dry-heaving to all their friends.
2331 15th Street NW Penthouse 2
2 Bedrooms, 2.5 Baths