It’s that time again, when you look back at the previous year and either a) feel a sharp pang of disappointment, confusion and creeping mortality, or b) quickly take another drink and say out loud, to no one in particular,”life’s great, everything’s fine, right? Right??!!” *Silence*
Is there a third option? I’m skeptical.
It was a good year for Urban Scrawl, though. Clicks galore! And for that, we have you, the reader, to thank. Go ahead, take some of those clicks, and go buy yourself something nice at the store that takes clicks as legal tender. Also, post that store’s address in the comments section, I haven’t done my Christmas shopping yet.
Without further ado, here are 2015’s top posts.
10. Top 5 Tattoo Parlors for Your Summer Sleeve Tattoos are cool. Everyone has a tattoo. Only one of those statements can be true. Sorry.
9. DC’s Best Coffee Shops for Camping Out with Your Laptop Everyone hates the office, so everyone goes to a coffee shop now to do their work. So now coffee shops are offices. I was in a coffee shop recently and four guys in suits were having a meeting at a table, and got really mad when the barista wouldn’t turn the music down to accommodate their meeting. If I had the conviction of my principles, this paragraph would end with me telling you that I now rent an office to do my work in, but nah, I’m cheap. I still go to coffee shops, but now I just complain about it.
8. The Wrong Side of the Curve: Why Some Formerly Desirable DC Neighborhoods Have Flatlined Ironic that walkability is the ascendant virtue at a time when gas and oil prices are headed to historic lows. (A friend of mine “in the know” says the previously unthinkable price of ten dollars a barrel is a very real prospect.) If gas goes below a dollar a gallon, will there be a revitalization of outlying neighborhoods and the suburbs?
7. DC’s Best Dive Bars I went to NYC last weekend and went to a dive bar so divey that in the bathroom, there was a bowling-ball-sized hole in the concrete floor that was filled with standing brown water. Might’ve taken the dive thing a little too far.
6. When Did “Tyson’s” Become “Tysons”? A chilling tale of creeping punctuational anarchy. I want to hear a question about this in a presidential debate. “Make the Apostrophe Great Again!”
5. The Young and the Tasteless: Inside the Homes of DC’s Millionaire Pro Athletes Ha ha, let’s make fun of stupid athletes! I’m not even being sarcastic, I sincerely enjoy making fun of stupid athletes. And it looks like I’m not the only one.
4. In Southwest DC: Church of Jazz and Blues I once went to one of these jazz nights on a first date, and it was so magical that I ended up dating the person I went with even though we were clearly incompatible on every single level. The lesson here is: don’t go to magical events with people you haven’t already fully vetted for compatibility, or you’ll be magically sandwiched into an involuntary relationship.
3. DC’s Secret History of Orgies Of course people clicked on a story with “orgies” in the title! It’s right there in the title: “orgies.” Of course you’re going to click on it. We should probably rename this blog, “Orgy Scrawl.”
2. The Trinidad Conundrum This was the year when it seemed, for a little while at least, that gentrification might go backwards. But in the end, money just kept barging forward like your overweight uncle in a crowded Best Buy the day after Thanksgiving.
1. What It’s Really Like to (Legally) Buy Weed in DC I can’t count how many times in 2015 that friends either went home early or didn’t even make it out, because they ate some edibles and then forgot how to, like, put shoes on or open doors or something. (This happened to me once: I panicked for a full hour because I was locked in, and who knows when someone would come by and let me out? And then I realized I could just, ahem, unlock the door.)