This historic Observatory Circle townhome has been meticulously restored and modernized, sort of like your high school significant other who you recently reconnected with on Facebook who’s now into Crossfit and got a chin implant. Leading the renovation was noted local developer Giorgio “Furious George” Furioso. (No, that’s not his nickname and yes, it should be.) From the outside it looks like a somewhat standard, albeit very nice, brick Colonial, but when you get inside you realize how exceptional this house actually is. The ground floor level is open plan, so go ahead and buy that Segway you’ve had your eye on. Off the entryway on one side is the living room, which features a marble fireplace, recessed lighting, and neat wooden shutters on the windows that you could nail shut in the event of total civilization collapse. (Which is imminent if you believe the emails my dad forwards me.) On the other side is the formal dining room, which for 360+ days a year will be the “throw your coat and the junk mail on the table on the way to the bathroom” room.
The kitchen, though, is where the house really starts to shine. There’s an all-white and stainless steel motif that probably looks a lot like the room you wake up in after being abducted by aliens. The island is bigger than my entire kitchen, and the top of the line appliances are epitomized by the oversized, glass-front refrigerator. I love these transparent refrigerators despite (or because of) the fact that they seem weirdly voyeuristic, like images from those full-body x-ray scanners at the airport. I could never have one though, as I have this strange habit, developed in my bachelor days, of putting garbage in my refrigerator. You see, if you’re lazy, and never take out the trash, putting it in the fridge keeps the kitchen from being overrun with flies and odors. The downside is that if you’re REALLY lazy (like me), after a while you just have a fridge which is packed full of garbage. Like, there’s literally not even room for a can of beer in there. If I had a glass-front fridge, anyone who came to my house would take one look at the fridge, back out slowly, and then call 911.
Moving on though! The great room in this house is legitimately great; not like “wow, five bucks for a footlong Subway sub is a great deal” great, but more like, “Picasso was one of the greats” great. It has ridiculously high cathedral ceilings and legit floor-to-ceiling windows; every single neighbor is going to be like, “Oh look, there they are again, savoring a cocktail while watching the sun set from their great room. Honey, get the pellet gun.” Upstairs, the master bedroom is somehow simultaneously huge and cozy, like [redacted Adele joke], and the master bath is perfect. There are twin basins, a glass-walled shower, and a huge soaking tub with a flatscreen already mounted over it. I’ll never be able to watch TV again without thinking enviously of this bathroom, which I openly admit is a weird thing to say.
Downstairs is a legit wine cellar, which could hold over two hundred bottles, which is enough wine to get you through approximately 1.5 afternoon visits from your ex-coworker who talks about celebrities by their first names like they’re real people you actually know. Out behind the house is a swimming pool – the perks of owning a swimming pool are well known, so I won’t go into them here, except to say that you’ll certainly be the only friend in your group to have a backyard swimming pool. (And if you’re not, you need to downgrade to poorer friends who’ll kiss up to you for your pool.) All the grounds of the house are, in fact, meticulously landscaped – the individual steps in the backyard are sodded! – and while the front of the house used to be mostly obscured by trees, creating a semi-spooky “Victorian recluse” vibe, this renovation cut that cover way back in favor of two large raised bed gardens. You could even put in a legit vegetable garden out there, though as someone who’s grown his own tomatoes the past two years, I can say that each tomato I’ve harvested represents approximately seventy hours of labor and around thirty mosquito bites. Probably not worth it. Besides, your bad environmental karma of buying corporate grocery store tomatoes will be offset by the fact that this house is extremely energy efficient, with solar panels, a tankless water heater, and various other features that your friends will respond to by saying, “yeah whatever, let’s hear more about the pool.”
3532 Edmunds Street NW
7 Bedrooms, 8 Bathrooms