Sundays With Strangers

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Crestwood is such a great neighborhood, and right in front of our noses (it’s basically CoHi North), but it’s like no one’s ever noticed it there.  It’s sort of like when I found a tightly-compressed wad of cash on the sidewalk in Times Square (which, judging by the flowery perfume wafting from the bills, had definitely been dropped by a stripper).  A million people walked right by it and just didn’t notice.  “Crestwood:  Sort Of Like A Wad Of Dropped Stripper Cash.”  I highly recommend their neighborhood association adopts that as their official motto.  They can stencil it on all the curbs.

Of course, it might be because we only talk about “up and coming” neighborhoods, and Crestwood came up a long time ago (and stayed up).  It’s like the Meryl Streep of DC neighborhoods.  Also, it’s not exactly cheap to buy in, and there aren’t a lot of people selling.  Which just means that when a place like this hits the market, you have to act quickly.  I’d call this beautiful six-bedroom a bungalow, except it’s as big as four bungalows stacked together.  It was built in 1926 and you can tell;  at risk of sounding like my cranky old father, they really don’t build them like this anymore.  (Now get off my lawn.)  The ground floor, which has an open floor plan and a crazy amount of windows, is bright and has a wonderful flow, which begs the question of why we ever went away from this style of design in the first place.  (Post-war self-loathing?)  The living room sports an antique fireplace and original hardwoods that gleam with almost a century of other people’s foot sweat.  That flows into a sort of sunroom-slash-eat-in kitchen that’s basically all windows and looks out onto the huge backyard, and then to the super-charming chef’s kitchen, which, with its blonde wood cabinetry and stainless steel appliances, is the best of classic and modern design elements mixed together like a red wine and Red Bull cocktail, except, uh, not disgusting.  There’s also a beautiful formal dining room, which, let’s be honest, you’d only use like three times a year, so why not repurpose it into a space you’ll actually use, like, say, a room for plastic bags full of used kitty litter.  (That’s the only thing in my dining room.)

Upstairs, the master bedroom is almost ludicrously nice;  sprawling and bright, and outfitted with his-and-hers closets, which will result in fewer arguments than a shared closet, but will still result in plenty of arguments.  (“Maybe you didn’t know this, but those triangular plastic things are to hang your clothes on.  No, seriously.”)  The master bath features a great soaking tub and a stainless steel basin, which I’ve never seen before outside of a vet’s office, but immediately won me over.  I now support stainless steel basins in all home, under threat of fines and imprisonment.  There’s an awesome sunroom with twenty feet of windows; I would start petty arguments with my significant other just to have an excuse to stomp out of the bedroom and come sleep in here.  The fully-finished basement is a spacious au pair suite, and has a staggering amount of built-ins for, I don’t know, your au pair’s extensive collection of eastern european Beanie Babies?  Outside, there’s a massive wooden deck and a wonderfully landscaped yard that’s so big it could plausibly be mistaken for a small park, which is what I’ll tell the cops if you see me back there picnicking with my friends and call the police.  Also, one last note:  the listing says “5400 square feet as measured by owner” which could be like if I said, “certified genius and more handsome than Ryan Gosling as described by my mother.”  So yeah, who really knows?

1712 Allison Street NW
6 Bedrooms, 5 Baths
$1,285,000

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