It’s been a very successful year here at Urban Scrawl DC, and we couldn’t have done it without you, the advertisers. Thanks so much for your checks. Keep them coming! You have no idea how often we’re walking down the street when some young Millennial with disposable income literally spilling out of their pockets comes up to us and says, “for god’s sake, where do I buy that thing I saw in that banner ad on your website?!” “Why, at [insert name of your business here], of course,” I say. I’m not even kidding. That happens like three or four times a day.
Am I missing anyone else? Ah yes, the readers. We guess we couldn’t have done it without you all either. I mean, sure, we could have, but an unread blog is just some weird mobius strip of online narcissism, like my ex’s Instagram. So thank you. Keep reading. You can start by revisiting our ten most popular posts from 2014, in descending order.
#10 Just Off Stage, They Wait To Make It Big [April 23, 2014] An inside view of DC’s stand-up comedy scene. Not many people know that, other than NYC and LA, DC is one of the biggest cities for stand-up comedy in the country. I once went to a comedy club downtown when a friend of mine decided to become a stand-up comedian. Halfway through his (admittedly lame) set, someone in the audience started heckling him. My friend replied by describing the specific sexual acts he was going to perform on the heckler’s female relatives. Several thrown drinks later, I had to step in and convince the heckler that my pal’s brother was a cop and that “if he has to come down here, he’s going to bust your head open!” That was the last time I (or my pal) ever went to a comedy club.
#9 DC Craigslist: The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly [March 3, 2014] This brilliant piece examines the random weirdness on everyone’s favorite free online flea market. It brings to mind the small wire cage I saw for sale on Craigslist a few years ago; the last line of the post was, “for use with animals ONLY.” …. Uhhhhhh, what?
#8 Finding Love In 320 Square Feet [March 28, 2014] A wonderful story about when the idea of “tiny living” meets the reality of “tiny living.” Design matters, people! (Unfortunately, it also costs a lot of money.) This post was possibly the most brilliant piece of online journalism I read all year, on this or any other site. (Yes, the boss wrote it.)
#7 Fantasy Kid Rooms [June 23, 2014] A delightful photo-rich post about all the various ways to ensure your child grows up to be a monst-uh, I mean, just check out the pictures, they pretty much speak for themselves. (Maybe some of my bitterness stems from my parents refusing my requests for a bed tent growing up.)
#6 The Depressing Truth Behind Valentine’s Day [February 14, 2014] Does anyone like Valentine’s Day? I’ve never met a single person who likes Valentine’s Day. Is it possible that we’re subjecting ourselves to an annual “holiday” that literally everyone hates? My god. “The greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing everyone he didn’t exist.” – The Hallmark Corporation.
#5 We Bought A Lighthouse [May 3, 2013] An in-depth view of a one-of-a-kind renovation. It’s a testament to the strength of this piece that it’s from the first half of 2013, and yet it’s still going strong and racking up views. It’s like the Regis Philbin of blog posts. It will never stop. This post has more legs than … *thinks* … a centipede? (I’ll show myself out.)
#4 How Does One Live In A Tiny House? A Guide To The Basics [September 4, 2014] This was the year the tiny house blew up. Not literally, though where an incinerator toilet is involved, that’s always a possibility. This year saw some fascinating cultural shifts, if you think about it – tiny houses, the rise of the bicycle commuter, pot legalization. People say the revolution of the Sixties failed, and maybe it did, but it seems to me that we’re stealthily dismantling and reversing the entire concept of 20th century America. Now if we could just get people to stop playing Journey in public …
#3 The House In The Woods: Rockefeller Edition [November 1, 2013] If I was Senator Rockefeller, I would be a little worried about why a year-old blog post about my quasi-legal house smack in the middle of federal parkland continues to rack up views. Oh wait, no I wouldn’t, I’d just light another cigar with a ten thousand dollar US bearer bond. (Lighting cigars with Benjamins is for amateurs.)
#2 The Best Abandoned Buildings In Or Near DC [August 16, 2013] Whenever I worry about the state of the world, I just remind myself that a blog post about which abandoned asylums are the most fun to burglarize continues to see heavy traffic a year and a half after it was published.
#1 “Next Gen” Suburbia – New Heights For Tysons Corner With Future Silver Line Metro [May 24, 2013] A story about Tysons Corner was our biggest story of the year – think about that. Tysons! If you’d told us, even just five years ago, that everyone was going to be writing and reading about Tysons – Tysons!! – in the near future, we would’ve laughed at you and then pelted you with small rocks until you ran crying from our campsite. But here we are. Tysons Corner has come a long way since it was literally just a corner.