Do you think Jeff Goldblum is more attractive than Brad Pitt? Do you prefer PBR to Sierra Nevada? Do you use a Walkman you bought at a flea market, just to annoy your iPod-using coworkers? Have you ever argued that the Tim Burton Batman movie is by far superior to the more prestigious Christopher Nolan versions? If you answered yes to most or all of these questions, this apartment may interest you, as it, like you, is unconventional.
Not too unconventional though! It’s edgy, but really, under the quirk, is pretty swank. It’s like the “unconventional” guy you take home to Mom, who’s in a band, but is also six feet tall, blond, and has a huge trust fund. The main area is an asymmetrical area oriented around a huge wood-burning fireplace that’s so big you could roast a pig in it, though keep in mind that if you did this, all your furniture would permanently smell like lard. I still love fireplaces, even though most research indicates that sitting in front of one is basically like smoking an entire pack of cigarettes, and if someone lit up in my living room, I would pretend it’s totally cool, and then when they looked away I’d blast them in the face with the fire extinguisher. I found the irregular shape of the place a little disorienting at first, but I soon grew to like it; most places are just big rectangular spaces, basically brick-and-mortar shoeboxes. This place felt fresh and seemed ripe for new variations on the old “sofa and coffee table facing the television” template. The kitchen is similarly unique; it’s wedgeshaped but large, and tapers to a point. It features hardwood counters (call me crazy – or unconventional! – but I prefer them to marble) and high-end appliances.
The master bedroom is, surprisingly, more straightforward, but still very nice. There are great views and light, and a fantastic closet that could hold a hoarder-level amount of clothing. The building also features a spectacular roof deck, from which you can see the entire city, and would be the perfect place to catch a helicopter airlift if there was, oh, I don’t know, some kind of lethal, geometrically multiplying plague ravaging the city. (Yes, I’ve been reading too many Ebola articles. And by “articles” I mean “Facebook posts by insane people.” And by “people” I mean “my parents.”) Also, the unit is surprisingly cheap (just under $400K) considering the location (Kalorama). You’d be within walking distance of Adams Morgan, which is basically the Alec Baldwin to 14th Street’s Daniel Baldwin, and to Rock Creek Park, one of the best parks in the country for hiking, jogging, or awkwardly interrupting couples having public sex behind a tree. (Is this like a fetish thing? A bucket list thing?)
1880 Columbia Road #601
1 Bedroom, 1 Bath