If location is everything when it comes to real estate, this place is basically perfect. Located right in-between the 11th and 14th Street bar/restaurant corridors, and not at all far from Rock Creek Park and Petworth (the next 11th/14th Street), the only thing that could make this location better would be if there were deposits of oil or precious gems or something under the foundation, which I suppose isn’t technically an impossibility. But even if you set aside the location, it’s a pretty stellar place. A corner penthouse unit (!!), this house has been exhaustively renovated into the crown jewel of the block. The interior is sleek and sexy, literally – there was a couple at the open house who I caught trying to have furtive intercourse in an alcove. (Insert your own “exposed brick” joke here.) There are sky-high ten foot ceilings and tons of windows – 26 to be exact – so there’s plenty of light and space, which is accentuated by the open floor plan. The gourmet kitchen sports marble counters, Bosch stainless steel appliances, and awesome cutting-edge cabinetry that looks like something you’d find in the loft of a Swedish architect who wears designer Italian summer suits where the lower half are dress shorts. (That was a compliment, if there’s any confusion.)
Upstairs is the master bedroom suite, which sports a wall of windows through which you can patronizingly smirk at all your neighbors’ inferior homes. The master bath has twin basins (seeing your significant other’s encrusted toothpaste foam and stubble hairs in your shared sink has got to be one of the leading causes of divorce), and a fantastic glass-walled shower. There are three skylights scattered throughout this level, so you can keep up your 4th of July tradition of shooting off fireworks indoors. And further up, the rooftop deck has 360-degree views, so you can spin around and around, taking in the sights, until you get so dizzy that you tumble over the railing and land in the neighbor’s lilacs. (And then immediately run back upstairs and do it again.)
And seriously, the location! Just a couple blocks east is the 11th Street strip, with Maple, the Coupe, El Chucho, Room 11, Red Rocks, and various other places to eat and drink. I’m pretty sure that three block strip beats any other three block strip in the city, for sheer variety and quality. To the west is 14th Street, which basically has unlimited entertainment options; at least three new bars and/or restaurants opened there just while I typed this sentence. There’s also a 24-hour Giant within a stone’s throw, for unlimited midnight snack runs after you take your “glaucoma medicine.” There’s also all that stuff by the Columbia Heights metro station; IHOP, Target, Petco, et cetera to infinity. Pretty much everything you could possibly want to eat, drink, or buy is within a ten minute walk. Basically that means you’ll either end up deliriously happy, or poor and obese, though I suppose you could say that about most people’s lives, completely separate from whether they buy this place or not.
1322 Monroe Street NW #2
3 Bedrooms, 2.5 Baths