This Mount Pleasant gem is not just a house, it’s a home. A lot of places I see are just nice efficient temporary living spaces with just enough countertop marble and exposed brick that the people you bring home from bars will probably let you do that thing you like to their you-know-what (and if you’ve got roof access, they might even let you bring out the tarps). But you could shoot a 2014 version of “The Wonder Years” in this place; if I had a family, I’d move them in here tomorrow. I didn’t say I’d buy it, we’d just squat. When we got forcefully evicted after a few weeks, I’d blame it all on Mommy. (“We live in this van because Mommy got an MFA in Sculpture instead of going to law school, you’ll understand when you’re older.”)
The house is nicely set back, so you have a legitimate front yard; I admit I can’t think of anything to actually do with a front yard, but a house without one just never really looked right to me, sort of like when women wear knee-high boots with no heel. (Or maybe those are just female elves?) There’s also a wide front porch, which is perfect for a porch swing, which I think everyone with a porch swing should be required by law to install, under threat of imprisonment or deportation. (I really like porch swings.) Inside, the first floor is strikingly open and spacious, with large living/dining areas stretching back to a u-shaped chef’s kitchen. The kitchen features marble counters, stainless steel appliances, and an awesome five-burner stove so you can have five pots going at one time, something you’ll never do, but still, it’s nice knowing you have that option if you ever decide to. (You won’t.) The kitchen also opens onto a wide wooden deck overlooking the backyard, perfect for al fresco dining, or al fresco slamming-a-beer-on-an-empty-stomach-after-a-hard-day. There are also two private parking spaces in back, which you could maybe fit up to five cars in if you drove them in on two wheels and then sort of leaned them against each other.
Upstairs, the master bedroom is bright and quiet and large, which also describes the ideal male nurse. The master bath sports an all-marble shower (with a bench to rest on after an especially tiring round of lathering), and twin vanities for those invigorating morning shaving competitions. The lower level is a deluxe in-law suite, which you could probably rent as an apartment if you’re one of those people who think the law doesn’t apply to you (I’m totally one of those people). And the location is ideal; you’re close to Adams Morgan, Columbia Heights, and Rock Creek Park. And Mt. Pleasant is one of the best self-contained neighborhoods in the District. The main strip on Mount Pleasant Road has everything you could possibly want, from Thai food to an unironic cowboy store, and it feels like an actual community, not just a bunch of real estate speculators who are forced to live in close proximity to each other, and will vent their market-based anxiety by hassling you about setting out your garbage can fifteen minutes before 6pm.
1851 Newton Street NW
4 Bedrooms, 3.5 Baths